...ASTHA...

31st December 2011

With due respect and and wishes in abundance straight from the heart I herewith extend you many happy returns for the Day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

From the time between we first met to the time where we are together even though miles away, life has been filled with laughter and Joy that sill echoes in my ears. Times spent with you have turned as such stories that I shall narrate to the world some day, those are the memories that have painted my soul with colour.

Honestly I cant miss a moment that's spent with you. From the past two years i don't remember a day which has not been narrated to you with even the minute details becoming part of it. As the total dramatic way...It is difficult to spell the word FRIENDSHIP without you, you add the soul to it in my dictionary. 

You quit truly and honestly did with your Job of being my Best friend. You are the one on whom i can throw all my tantrum on, no matter what it is. You are the one with whom I have discussed all my creepy fantasies.Shopping with you is the greatest fun. Discussing crushes and hating people is so simple and interesting with you. You have tolerated all my worst moods and still been the best. I can talk with you about everything and nothing. You are the beholder of all my deep down secrets. With you I don't have to give second thoughts on what I talk, on what you will feel or what you will react.You uncomplicate the complicated.You help me keep with sanity in the totally insane world. With you Life is good and Simple.

I hope the surprise couriered to you has safely reached to you, the sole matter is no surprise, the inner to it, is. Have a proper look into it...am sure u'll be able to relate and will love it.

....Fight V/S Fight....

An act of dilemma rare to be found
Something on which a thought is no less profound
Decision between the Not Wrong and the right
Between the Bright and the bright
With a difference just so slight
One end there stood deep down passion
The other side was the deep ended love in fatal fashion
Consideration stood for both
Thought they would go hand-in-hand as that of froth
Happiness reveal deep down within
Both stood as that of bliss revealing
But then came the deal beyond words
When affection took over fascination
When love hurt passion
Destroyed every bit
Pushed it down into pits
A moment of annoyance then took over
Abandoned the one taken as a flower
Some moment passed
So did some other
Tiny love called every breath
Touched every beat
Realized it well
Proved and Praised Love all above
But it did no less putting the passion down the stove
Cause all it did was ignite it more and more.

... The Haha Country...

One fine morning when you drift out of sleep for a class which is not so early in the morning, but surely quit early morning. You receive an unexpectedly beautiful message from a totally Expected person. Settling in between of sleep and beauty thoughts. When you suddenly remember your last night's promise of taking up your own responsibilities n finally start doing your own work.


Well this is the description of my "Early Morning". After attending the morning classes. It was time to take Responsibility, and it started with the submitting the Admission Form on my own in one of the "greatest" college of the city.
As I entered the hundred thousand years look alike building, with chipped paint and an over painting on the same. I came across "Beauty Queens" all around, dressed in embroidered denims, odd summer coats, bad footwear, high shabby heals, chattering loudly instead announcing their talks, holding hands, pushing each other, messing up my white shirt with their newspaper wrapped sandwich, in short doing every impossible act of indecency. With great deal as I survived out of all these activities, and moved towards the Window with least crowd. I asked the Woman, if that was the window for Admission form submission. The Woman Stood up with a "Yes" and then turned around for a Nashta Break. I was standing there, standing , standing n standing. After 25minutes of eating Saiyo Purmal unit by unit and discussing recipes which she was never going to try, she returned with an instruction of getting the form checked first and then submitting. She told me that the woman in Red will check the form, the woman in Red diverted me to the woman in Pink, The woman in Pink to Blue, to the woman in White, to the skinny woman upstairs to the woman in Purple downstairs and finally back to the woman in Red from where the trail started.The 'Red' woman checked the form abnormally, asking me to fill details in the Non-applicable areas of the form. Thus what followed was the submission of the form.
But the submission of the form cannot be quoted as the last deal for the incidence. It was something different - A beautiful White shirt with ketchup on it, a bad throat and a worsened broken leg...GREAT it was.


And now this is something not to be taken as an expression rather a literal meaning - 


THE END

...DADU...

The world's best DADU, celebrated his 75th B'day this year, and when the matter of finding a suitable gift for him came, I found myself too small for it. For the Man who is above the materialistic world, this is one of those things I could afford to present him as a Tribute for being the best hand for my Life travel.


For the times stood
for when we found us beneath your hood


Laid down as babies
In your laps protective and cozy
Enjoying each and every moment
Which was filled with love and excitement


Growing a little
Moving and running fiddle
Holding the little finger
Moving and walking with proud linger


Dadu
You made us learn that no one could teach
For some which is out of reach


The cozy hand
The humble smile
The infinite blessings
Th years of protectiveness


You are the teacher, the mentor, the philosopher, the guide
Above all the glowing beautiful guiding light
You gave us all
And nothing in return was asked at all


We couldn't even define a bit 
The way you came into our lives and made everything bright
We thank you from the bottom of the heart
For being the from the start

...FRIENDS...

This is for what you were asked for your two minutes...
HAPPY FRIENDSHIP'S DAY.

...O Captain! My Captain!...

"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die Discover that I had not lived."

-Dead poet's Society (H.D.T.)

At 1:30AM as I write with tears in  my eyes for something i need no second thoughts to witness it, when i feel morose. With tears bursting out from the time friends loosing their friend forever and continue in the end as the students bid respect to the teachings of their Captain. 

Every time finding something new in the words, and this time it helped me from the old fears newly developed,something which keeps me unrest, of the failing and loosing the precious close to me- To struggle against the great odds, to meet enemies undaunted, to be entirely alone with them... And now I find freedom from the sorrows, I realize what I really long for, need for, require for and shall prioritize for now. The close important ones and the important not so close ones.Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Old time is still a flying; and this same flower that smiles to-day, To-morrow will be dying. Making it to felt how i want it to be interpreting the words for myself. Near the carpe diem i realize i can't make things stop my way and after a point have to be accepted the way they begin. I free myself from it all to-day, but only in dreams can men be truly free its always thus and always will be...Irony it is...

Lines by Tennyson, in-self require nothing in admiration... 

Come my friends

Its not late to seek a newer world

For my Purpose holds to sail beyond the sunset

We are not now that strength which in the old days

Moved Earth and Heaven, that which we are,

We are - - -

One Equal temper of heroic hearts,

Made weak by time and fate,

But strong in will

To strive to seek, to find and not to yield.

p.s. The Dead Poets Society(1989)

...Can't hear the Nightbird Call...

As I thud and cramp down to the final pages of this book, knowing that it will cause a sleepless night for me, I am filled with fear, insecurity and a sense of uneveness within myself. It has also forced me to raise doubts upon my newly developed interest to get apprised with the our 'glorious' countries partition and the tentative partition history. Anita Rau Badami's , - Can u hear the nightbird call? , quotes the India-Pakistan bordering, Hindu-Sikh communal riots and the explosion of the Air India 182. Defining those dreadful times when "Bad" men, calling themselves "Hindus" or "Muslims" ran for each other's lives. None were spared women, children, nobody. Truck filled corpse of Indian beings sent round the border result from those people who lacked being human. The plight didn't end here, the time that followed was the Sikh demand for "Khalistan", the blue star operation and the killing of our lady Prime Minister. All this leading to the painful death of the innocent.
A poor woman, who lost her family at the age of four during the partition. In between of all these faint rough memories of her family, she grows and finds a loving husband and a beautiful family. Until she pays again for as she mentions the "undone Sins", she losses her daughter in front of her eyes, and all that she gains are the unclaimed bodies of her husband and son, insulted and burned alive.
A rush of uneasiness within myself, on how acts of certain people affect the whole society,rather the whole country. People loose their loved one, the ones who were their only happiness. Children wait back for their parents to come and fetch them out of the hidings. Children born without a family.
In the end, as a conclusion to all this, what i realize, is that for all that happened, there stood no reason else than the thoughts of certain people, which multiplied into others heads, and lead to squared up deaths with cubing the sorrows of people belonging to the same land.

...I build some wings to fly...

16 June 2011, 1100 hours, there was I sitting in my Principal CA's cabin wondering when will be I introduced and finally given some work, cause surely the pass three months were hell lot deal filled with boredom. N finally these were the words which poured out of my mind when my first audit was given to me, which made me realize that our mother tongue can surely make one realize its depth, and it is not as easy as it seems. So here I Build some wings to FLY..


A beginning started new
With known being very few
Lost in languages of deal unknown
But realized the challenge low from the known
All thoughts come for in pairs
I don't feel surprised or something of rare
Maybe am not sure of pour
But maybe prepared to the core
And I don't deny
I build some wings to Fly

...tears unknown...

As for those eyelids fall
For they have been struck to the wall
Wall built with nothing else than
Empty pointless bricks all in vain


A single drop of salt rolls down
Not cause of anger or some frown
But of the need of a close association 
Which was endangered in regression


Somewhere deep the tear knows
Reason its showing out in rows
But as God cannot leave to bless
The belief in it  stood no less

Fasting what went so wrong
Discovered it was an act of making things strong
With the beauty's thought to kill the beast
Realized association which stands no least 

...filling the unfulfilled...

As there i stood
In front of those deep ended woods
just after those beautiful days
Which couldn't have been forgotten in any kind of ways


Standing there I remember
A dream unfulfilled of a member
A member so close
Since from birth me he knows


Never had he mention this to me
But could feel his mind towards this flea
The regression about the deal every time he speaks
Motivates within my so called weaks


As I take first step successfully
I stood there inside feeling proudly
But then came the real test to follow
Initial attempt of which made me realize my hollow


Broken was I
All was the inner that felt die
Came then my way
Series of days of hay


There was the member
Who made me remember
There he stood by my side
Making my prospective look wide
Making me learn Victory come to those
Who get up after all throws


I stand here for an oath now
To travel the deep ended woods anyhow
The success will be for the member Himself
Not for Me I or Myself.

...small...Tall...fall...

Can't Die for it...
It is just too Small...
Cant make it Die within...
It probably stands too Tall...
So I end up living with it...
Forcing me to Fall...

Daddy's Little Girl...

Just sitting all by myself i recall the lines of a poem which i recited in elocution when i was in standard IV...some beautiful lines very close to my heart...also because the person on whom the lines are based...is a very important part of my life..so here it goes...

The depth of a father’s love shows in his daughter’s eyes,

What’s known is known from sunset to sunrise.

A foundation built on more than just what is spoken,

Its commitments kept and promised that go unbroken.

An emotion so immense that nothing in this world can erase,

A permanent impression of love is tattooed upon my face.

A relation so peculiar that only two can understand,

Yet so immaculate it’s obvious that by God it was planned.

I believe it all began when I would sleep on your chest,

Now you are my number one, my favorite you’re the best.

You move and I watched so closely as if I was in a trance,

The fact that I can repeat you exactly isn’t just by chance.

From wrestling, racing, jumping to being mad up like a doll,

Both playmate and best friend, you’ve done sum it all.

A secret place, a look, special time just for me and you,

When a choice is made it’s always about what paa wants to do.

And you are there to cater to my every need and every wish,

There is an invisible pedestal for paa’s little princess.

I am content just to be, I am filled with absolute bliss,

Just to sit up under you giving an occasional hug and kiss.

Sweet dreams are non-existent without paa’s Good Night kiss,

Ur gentle stroke, words just for me, Ur check on me is wat I’d miss.

It’s simply because of how you love me like sunrise,

The depth of your love always shows in my eyes.

When your laughter is harder my smile is even brighter,

You have a friendship, a bond, a soul tie that couldn’t be any tighter.

It’s more than a special bond; it’s an exclusive connection,

No room for a third party or attempted interjection.

This love is reserved for dad and no other,

It’s not the same for the siblings, not even for mother.

It’s the kind of love that I could never despise,

For the depth of your love always shows in my eyes.

To you’d give anything, but it’s not about the gift,

It’s the marvelous smile brought on by the spirit you lift.

It’s not about what you can give or about what you can do,

It’s about the unconditional love reciprocated between the two.

Its tears in my eyes when you disagree,

Nothing is quite right until ‘I love you and I’m sorry’.

It’s the spunk in my step, the rainbow in my eye,

You’ll know I am a daddy’s girl when I just pass by.

My love for you will never fade or die,

The depth of your love always shows in my eye.

Upon angel’s wings you soar, your sparkling golden halo glows,

Whenever am with you, its heaven in my eyes that shows.

Your eyes hold a song which is like heavens melody,

It’s the music of love’s symphony composed by each precious memory.

The love is the love you’ve shown from sunset to sunrise,

The depth of your love will always show in your daughter’s eyes.

Now, SHUT UP...!

Have u ever had days when u didn't want to get out of bed? Not just because you're sleepy but because you are sick and tired of problems and would rather just stay in bed? Because everything around just seems distant and falling? People whom you considered the closest, suddenly seem like not even concerned? Things that you thought you possessed suddenly seem lost? When you have a bad starting? The days when you really want to run away from everything that is around you. 

Well, am sure about the fact that everybody has days like that. I just had one, when i wanted my close one's to be there and they all seemed busy with their lives. But what I have realized is that the key to overcome such days is to change your inner conversation, your inner communication. When that communication tells you don't have any reason to get up, you have to learn to respond by saying, SHUT UP! That is it...just say Shut up and then tell yourself to get up, get up and get going..! Because these are certainly those times which are short lived, you get out of these sooner or later, sometimes with the help of close one's sometimes on your own, leaving you stronger for life. The one's who have been there with you will be there forever, if not physically then in your heart in your memories, making you feel special always.

If you want more out of your life, then you've got to put more into life. Believe and you can achieve.

Drive From The Darkness...

For some unthreaded associations...which made me realize their importance...n also that end of the day its only YOU who remains back with YOU...

Am walking on a boulevard,

Don"t know which way to go towards.

All I can see is black,

Which makes me ponder whether my perception lacks?

All that I can hear,

Are my breaths Bursting with fear.

Cause something is on,

And it feels to be just so wrong.

I stagger all by myself,

As if i need no help.

But subterranean within I recognize something well know,

A sorrow deceased to be alone.

Nevertheless am afraid of an association,

Consequence of which is always an obligation.  

,With wounded feet I try to begin a new beginning

.But all seems to be distant and falling

,Cause am in the dead of night
.On tenterhooks for the morning to soon take flight

,The question in me is still tranquil
.Is it me to blame for the entire spill

,I pledge a march to explore light

.Devoid of any traits of fright

,A street where joy is my comrade
.And there is nothing which makes me afraid

,Though am there all by my own

.I am not lonely just alone

,Cause for all time surely flips

.All i need is the season of ultimate bliss

All I Ever Need..:)

      My Necessity...My Luxury...My Family...

The First Ever...

So...this is the first time ever I am writing something as a blog...I opened the account like almost a month ago n then forgot that had to post as well....it was just yesterday while i was having a sleepless night that i remembered that i have a "No Post" blog...so here I am...:)
Well I have been fond of writing since ever... cause i surely found this way to be a temporary refuge from everything that didn't seem like going well around...n also for the times which turned into best time memories to be cherished throughout, so that they can be penned down to be refreshed in gloomy times.
Now the only thing to be taken care of is my regularity regrading updating the blog...;)